OK so although I have, well, I guess I can say here that I learned about auto dictation on the iPad so, you know, I’m talking into my iPad now and it's just what the government wants; kind of funny. So maybe we can expect my “writing style" to sound more fluid. Also less dirtiness; for some reason I think I want to see the dirty words; a feeling of taboo which I think is a big driver and kind of an engine for my work; which is kind of terrifying. But, you know, I don’t know. Okay, I want to go a little further on that yeah I think I’m super privileged despite all the weird stuff to happen so I do have to __traverse_ bad experiences and stuff like that but at the same time it's kind of hard to go wrong being the son of a doctor in Florida and shit like that going to good schools and basically having a family that we could afford to participate in raising me and especially before middle school there is a kind of team around my household.
Some experiences like a kind of you know, between our house keeper. Her name was Mary, kind of like a nanny. Sometimes she'd babysit. She had some kinds and some nephews, and we made something of a kids and nephews crew when we got together. I think it was Mary's cousin Tony that would come over to wash and detail our cars. He had twin boys named Tony and Antonio, and they had scraggly voices. Mom pulled one of the kids out of the pool once before he drowned. Being twins they had a language, and they called my mom "Blebly" instead of Beverly. There are also neighborhood kids all around it anyway so it’s like, you know, we want to be able to participate in dialogs even if I, or especially if I were under qualified which is terrifying but I think it may be inspiring because it’s kind of like. . that drive 30 minutes have to interact with, thanks.
A kid today in a critique for MFA painting looking like he was also very privileged, like he came out of a Lands End catalog. His paintings are really atmospheric and abstract and the critics don't know what was going on really. So, come to find out two of these paintings are of gazed upon, and it’s, you know, if there’s some architecture and again it’s basically just it’s a shape in the center of the canvas and then around it is like this kind of atmosphere it’s all in the US but he said he was standing in front of the city courthouse and he saw his big building so he’s a painting homeless man and we were so far into the critique and talking about the formal aspects of his paintings that do you know what it came out that these are paintings of homeless man we kind of stuck to the formal aspect because they were larger problems or whatever but someone else pointed also there’s like a ladder and what are these all I can say is this ladder what is that and the weather was very clearly to pick it style soon replied oh that’s that’s like a symbol for this kind of superior wisdom this homeless man. OK so here’s like white guilt here’s privilege or something like that playing out so I guess it’s that I don’t I don’t grass I digress. OK so the dog grass digress I’m leaving in because this is really funny that shit is really funny OK I think that’s an entry for now.
I’ve alluded to nothing that’s going on actually this regards to my schedule and shit like that but, dear Reeder, yeah please know that I’m getting enough sleep I’m functioning in that kind of stuff and actually my diet is actually kind of on track and down I was explaining meditation to Young student today and I said 20 minutes at night in 20 minutes in the morning and basically as like as much of a shit storm as he may be experiencing some in your mind or body or whatever these 2 20 minute intervals of peace or focus or quiet allow you to play belligerently push through those. I don’t know why but I like the word belligerent recently because it implies that you won’t know what is to be expected which is painting.
So anyway I got into this practice like burning the candle at both ends and it was a lot of fun I had so so much fun and sometimes sometimes I watch the sunrise you know sometimes our way down you know sleep for three hours or four hours and it was hilarious when I would have to class it just felt like a big fucking joke like I felt like I knew the punchline the punchline was I’m fucking dying or something like that but also but not really the real punchline was I made a shit ton of studio progress in painting that was the punchline! I feel good! so, today I gave it up I gave up that game because it wasn’t that funny you know it’s very recently so I went home to take a nap in order for me to appreciate (recuperate), the kind of grand and in other words I went home to take a nap. I needed a nap and it felt so good. I also moved most of my drawings and graphic stuff to my home, and I hope to develop a practice desk at my apartment because when I’m at school it's a mess and there are many opportunities to stick with oil painting with oil, oil, oil, so I’m hoping you know by coming home I can wash my hands you know make this kind of clean, “ comic work. That way I can do you know that your painter at school in a way like looking out you know looking out at harvesting, and then at home looking, right, the illustrator harvests from his own or her own mind, which is you know maybe has to do with why illustration sucks but that’s a bleak outlook actually illustration to me is so import it so it shows what’s happening at all because I would I would say illustration is an essay and painting is a poem. Unfortunately this has bled into my text messages where I kind of speak in code like a poem sometimes like I feel like oh yeah I’m like an artist and I’m gonna write this like complex thing that is what you are and that has been the downfall a lot of of a lot of my ladies relationships because I’m so goddamn poetic and by that I mean terrible at poetry. OK my roommates are home I have to stop talking myself
