Berlin is throwing me for a loop. It seems to me a harder nut to crack than Amsterdam. I feel that the language barrier is more significant, and the format of the town is less user friendly. I learned that the residence of the lovely Dennis Family in Amseterdam, will no longer be available for accommodations. Therefore, I will have to forgo organizing housing, studio space, and transportation of my existing work to a place of my choosing. I believe that Berlin could work well for me. I enjoy the art here, I enjoy the amount of space and liberation that I feel. I enjoy the affordability. I enjoy the idea of a hard winter, which would lock me indoors for long hours of work. I enjoy the lonliness. Mostly, I do not yet feel that I have accomplished what I wanted to accomplish with my time in Europe. I will apply for a working visa soon.
I moved from the hostel into a flat in Prenzlauer Berg. I found the flat listed online. Upon touring it with Astrid, I felt uniquely at home. The space was quiet and calming. Astrid was a journalist and poet, and had the space oriented to her studies and work. Books lined every wall. There were three larger rooms; a bedroom, and two studies. There was a small bathroom and a small kitchen. The appliances each had their own tricks and quirks. The shower was connected both to the kitchen sink and the bathroom sink. The toilet was connected to the toilet plumbing. The heaters required a sensitive touch to ignite. Pipes of different sizes ran along the walls, exposed. I used them to hang laundry. Astrid had some kitchenware fixed to one of them above the stove.
The rent is comparable to that of New York, which I am content with for a stay of only one month. I will have to find a more affordable accommodation if I am to stay in Berlin for a longer term.
I spent a few days in the flat alone, sitting for long intervals in silence, and soaking in the tub to unwind. I had a lot of sleep to catch up on. I extended the offer to Braiden from the hostel to stay in the flat as well while he figured out his own accomodations in Berlin. He and I had a similar plan for living and working here. He was a graphic designer. He moved in after a few days of solitude, and we shared much good conversation and philosophy. I also extended the housing offer to Rachael and Valerie, two lady-friends from Toronto. Within a week of living in the apartment, I was running an international flop-house. Many good conversations and meals were shared between the four of us. Braiden moved out of the apartment this afternoon and into his new place, just a short walk away. I will be happy to visit him periodically during my stay in Berlin.
Berlin Goals:
In Berlin, I would like to continue painting the body of work which I began in Amsterdam. I would like to find a combined living and working space, to rent for the duration of 8 to 9 months. I would like to be approved for a freelancer's visa, which can take a few weeks to process. I would like to work on paintings and drawings in isolation through the winter months for an exhibition tbd, opening in the late spring. I would like to apply for and be granted a subsidy for a large-scale mural in the city, which I would prefer to paint over the course of one month also sometime in the spring.
A Stimulating Night:
I have faith in Berlin's art scene. I went to a lovely opening the other evening, and met a new friend named Natalia. We talked about the artwork. It was refreshing to have a partner to discuss with, as I've been experiencing most exhibitions during my sojourn alone. I learned that Natalia was an illustrator and animator, who was in college in Berlin. She showed me an animation of a roatating fork that she'd made earlier in the day which was rather charming. She invited me out to a party, which I accepted. We took a train to the outskirts of the city, where we found an industrial complex. We met Lucas outside, who was a tenant in the space where the party was to be held. He directed us inside and up a flight of wide stairs. On the second floor, we began to hear music, the party was not huge, but the quality was. Lucas explained that the space was an artilier that had an understood relaxed policy in terms of using the space for accomodations. I met Natalia's friends Matt, Tasha, and Benjamin who were from Australia. Shortly after, Lucas sat down on a small stage at the front of the room and began to play a set of folk songs. The room grew silent as the last light of day set in the windows behind him. We passed around a joint. After Lucas' set, a young woman took the stage with an electric guitar. She was exactly the right amount of self-aware. The songs seemed simultaneously cautious and bold, quiet and loud, proud and ashamed. Everyone felt it. A drummer sat down to accompany her towards the end of the set. The question of wether the percussion would be for the better or worse was soon answered to everyone's relief. There was nothing but magic and for a while we all became lost in the poetry of the moment. After the set, Natalia and I found ourselves outside. I massaged her back and hands. She grabbed at my neck and hair. We generated intense energy. She asked me about my sexuality, which I answered as neither one thing or another, fluid. She was not satisfied with my answer in the least, and began a line of accusatory questions. It was conversation like I had never experienced before. It felt mystic. We kept eye contact. My heart raced. After some time, she would take a break out of her frustration, to return later with more questions. A DJ began to play to the party and the Australians and I set to dancing together. I could hear periodically in the background Natalia's voice "He's totally gay.", and "Why are they all gay?" She was obsessed.
I focused on the present moment, and did not let what I percieved as her efforts to divert energy phase me. After overhearing enough of her comments, I realized she was not talking exclusively about me. She was gay-labeling the whole party. The Australians brought it up to me shortly thereafter, "Did Natalia ask you if you were gay?" I responded and told them my story. They laughed and told me that it was a fixation that she had developed as a result of her personal insecurities. We talked in extent about the connotations of demanding such a definitive answer about such a complex and ever-changing topic as sexual expression. The Aussies paired it down to her German style of conversation, very direct.
Towards the end of the night, Natalia found a gentleman that could answer the question correctly, evidenced by an intense make-out session in the perimeter of our dance circle. It was apparent that they had both drank a significant amount and were happy to have found each other. I left with the Australians. We walked to our respective trains and parted ways.
