My evening was spent staying warm by taking baths, and periodically sweating while fully dressed under two down comforters. The most addressed theme during the nightmares which ensued from the sweats was that of an owerwhelmingly large task. I dreamt that I, with assistants, had undertaken an enormous installation sculpture from found objects; it was a representation of my current body of work, 'Still Life From Ether'. The construction of the installation was monumentally difficult and disorienting. I percieved the covers under which I was sweating as components of the installation; I was drowning in it, and I felt that I was overheating. I explored some good ideas, and some bad. Throughout, I felt that I was gaining an understanding of my motivations in making art. I believe some of the appeal is that you create your own monsters to battle against. I believe that some artists make monsters for themselves which others cannot relate to. They become caught up in a fantasy, which registers as uninteresting to others. I am still digesting some of the implications of this. I believe that in some way, I have fallen victim to creating monsters which others cannot relate to.
I believe that I sweated out the fever last night. I am grateful that it was not another type of illness, as I believe fevers to be the most receptive to proactive treatment. Further, I appreciate fevers for their ability to take you on an intense mental journey.
Today I cleaned the apartment and prepared for my departure from Berlin.
