In the very short term, I have muted some blog posts on the basis of paranoia.
I ran my mouth online, and got kicked out of my apartment. Now I happily live alone.
Someone tried to blackmail me to the dean of the school, with no supporting evidence, stating I had said misogynist things online. I'd already taken the blog down, as my roomies alluded to putting this plan into action. I was called to the dean, where I just stated it's a smear campaign. Personally I think it was rooted in jealousy and the idea to sabotage my chances at getting travel scholarship. Well, I played a lean mean and clean game and got a travel scholarship anywayS. The reason my blog will remain censored in the short term is the chance that the scholarship could be revoked; as has happened to me in my past.
For example; at 10, I won a raffle for a cruise for two, and my mom and sister took it in order to have an extended birds and bees talk, coming of age vacation.
and at 18, I won a car in a raffle, but it was decided I was disqualified because I had exited the pool lock-in event briefly to grab a towel from my car. Neither of these I am bitter about, I cite them as examples of after-the-fact change-of-terms.
But the travel award I would be crushed should it be redacted, on the basis of the work I put in to get it.
I struggled with the idea (not for the first time in my life) that 'OH NO!, IM A MISOGYNIST', for a few weeks. It severely tainted the last two months of my BFA. At graduation dinner, I ran into someone who said 'so what, so what if you're a misogynist', and that helped a lot. What reason is there to not dislike women? legit. same with men.. not to be cliche, but people. people are people, and groups of people are the worst. any category of people you could come up with is suspicious, I propose. The end, that's my TED talk, thank you.
I won The Scheidt Travel Award, for excellence in scholarship and all that. Awarded by the faculty, the award endows 5 grand to travel within a 22 month span. I plan to go to England. South, then north, maybe ending up in Scotland or Ireland. I booked a flight for October, because, again, paranoia. October through December 12th. I might adjust the dates. You can stay in England for six months without a visa, and the weather is temperate. If it's anything like 4 or five months, I might sublet my apartment, though I'm obviously nervous and don't know much about that. I plan to camp and paint a few pleinairs a day- that's my hope. Also, I would like to do some labor for a few weeks, or a few days a week somewhere; to help me stay centered and feeling useful.
I'm reading on English architecture and History, but I think I am being a little too romantic rather than practical. I need to get it together at this stage in my life and lay some groundwork, and not be so lackadaisical.
