That girlfriend I spoke so highly of a few weeks back is no longer speaking to me. That’s okay. I wrote a letter to her outlining my side of things. Hopefully it helps her along wherever she’s going. My tinder account got banned. I know it’s suspicious to say I didn’t break conduct, but I didn’t. I suspect my ex girlfriend reported me. Looking it up online, it seems that it’s the case that when (especially males) get reported tinder errs on the side of automatically banning. To get my account back, I would have to file a claim, which seems like murky territory and not wroth doing in the very short term. Long term however, what a blow. Outcast from one of the best talk-to-people-of-the-opposite-sex tools. What a shame.
I called my mom twice this month. My girlfriend would accuse me of my treating her like my mom, and this bummed me out. She’d put up walls when I tried to talk about my thoughts. Men tend not to have anyone. I’m in nowhere land. One thing my mom and I did talk about was my sleeping at school so often. “Do you not like your roommates?”
And no-one had asked me that question, but no. It’s alright, but I get attitude all the time. I live with two couples. Couples bug me because they, after accepting one another, join forces in being shitty together. My four roommates count as two ego teams. They don’t reply when I say hello when I come in after being away for three days. I feel unwelcome and burdensome, even though I wait for the shower, wait for the kitchen, often sweep and do their dishes, and supply amenities such as coffee, soap, and olive oil in bulk which gets annihilated. It won’t be enough because I’m not their shit ego team.
Some other things. Love is a lie. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said ‘I love because to hate is too difficult’. That’s true enough, but the process whereby to get to love is just that. I don’t buy the love is all there is. Love is giving up. If you’re worried that I’m an advocate for hate, please reread this paragraph with the concept that our inherited language is flawed insofar that it’s dualistic and reflexive. Love and hate are intertwined, in balance. The presence of one is not the absence of the other.
That’s it.
alright, one more thing. I think most people want most of all to be told what to do. Myself included, sometimes. I want to know what I’m being told to do, and most often I say ‘fuck you’, but pretty soon I’ll be out of money so we’ll see how that works. I think I will be a good entrepreneur. This week I will make shirts, to try to flip at PAFA’s Open Studio Night this Friday. I’m thinking $15, but part of me thinks $20. I’m thinking $15 for students, and $20 for outsiders. It says ‘Kemmy does PAFA’, but now I’m going to change it to Kemeys because I fucking don’t like Kemmy at the end of the day. When I put it on the screen it didn’t sit right, so I’m going to redesign it to Kemeys. I’ve put some effort into this name, not for nothing.
Alright now that’s it. Toodles.
