I’m at Panama City Beach now, spending the winter break with my family (parents, sister, in laws, and two grandmothers) at two beach condos with periodic visits to my sister’s house. I’m an uncle to a 3 year old girl called Loxie, and a one year old boy named Gideon. They’re both very healthy and very sweet. I have noticed I’m not very interested in them. Tonight I have been displaced from my parent’s condo by occasion that the niece and nephew have been foistered off onto the grandparents, and the room I was staying in is now occupied by a sleeping baby. The feeling of staying away from the baby is a natural one to me. It’s just lying alone in that room now, with my parents in another room, so strange. But it would be much more strange to me to be in there as well, so I’m downstairs with the old folks, and it feels better, and maybe I should’ve been sleeping here all along. I’m more motivated to go to bed early and wake early with my grandmothers around. Somehow I’m a little more overt in my irresponsibility when around my parents. I wonder why this is. I’m a lot more at peace in my mind now around this family group. I don’t get so angry. When something comes up, like tonight’s being displaced by a baby, talking was done on my behalf about how unbearable I was in my reaction to the news. Thing was I didn’t react. So with greater clarity I saw that my upset as instrumental to their joined production, would go on regardless of my participation.
The attitude that’s leveled me out shines itself now in my third night away from school. I will sleep on a couch, not as planned. The attitude that’s leveled me out has had to do with fatalism, and the short term idea that assumed humility is the same as humility, that work will be of the same value coming from me indiscriminate as to how I spend my time- it’s an energy thing- what I bring, and I’ve got what I’ve got and cultivation of a certain flavor will be at the expense of another, and since you can’t please people and no one cares, might as well do what you want. Learning the world’s big, and the bigness of it helps. Also, choosing to accept this phase of my life as one of hard work. Pouring into the work in one way is likely to yield a result different from that using another method, and it’s only a matter of polemic as to better or worse indiscriminate to energies and faculties employed. Ooph, where am I? So I’m going to sleep on a couch tonight one night out of 4 into the winter break, and that’s kind of like how it has been for me in the school semester preceding. Actually, during the semester my sleeping place was half and half between my apartment and the school.
My parents have been really nice to me, especially my dad. I’m enjoying much more independence, which, without a schedule to be accountable to, I’ve translated into poor sleep habits (who am I kidding- during school my sleep was spotty and often felt insufficient; though I would do it the same exact way again). Indeed I’m enjoying my break, and have had a good semester; perhaps they are resultant of one another. I worked hard knowing I would be on the beach, and I am now enjoying the beach, knowing I have worked hard. What’s more is I have a killer girlfriend. I am really thrilled about my girlfriend. She even reads my blog. It’s incredible how incredible she is. She is that incredible.
I’ve been watching some Pewdiepie videos on YouTube, and it’s influenced my speech. I’m grateful for it, as he’s got an ease about him, and manages to string together words in an associative manner that seems so natural to those to whom English is not their first or only language. The blend is very charming. I’m also spending time watching video tutorials in softwares that might be of use to me for the coming semester. I don’t think our school has a license for Maya or Zbrush. No worries, I am investing my time in watching tutorials for Blender.
My brother in law has got a 3D printer and scanner, because he makes money and wants to be able to print prototypes for engineering projects. He’s offered me to use them. Likewise my sister has a vinyl plotter. If I were to come up with files, I could send them via mail and have them printed and sent back to PAFA. These things probably won’t happen.
I will be taking a 3D printing class next semester through the CE department. The course is taught by the head of our sculpture department, Rob Roesch. My decision to sign up for this has to do with being under his tutelage, as well as building a professional and an interpersonal relationship with him. He is a panelist for scholarship consideration at the Annual Student Exhibition. When asked, other adults like to be demurring in regards to placing importance on the ASE, or on vying for scholarship etc., emphasizing how small this is in the grand scheme, and all that and I absolutely agree. That said, how fun it is to see black, and lose yourself in the fervor of a living breathing studio; to breathe purpose and fire! It’s all I can think about. There’s this scholarship that puts you on for another year- it’s like (and I’m phrasing it like, and thinking about it like) some sort of reality tv pageantry leading up to some big reveal. The scholarship is awarded based on the wall. I do want to keep a level head about me in relation to not hanging an ironic wall- which I have done- I have hung, about half the time, ugly and ironic shows. Anyway, I can’t speak to what I will do, as that’s something else.
At the beach here, I am investing in some cartoon penciling, and some inking. I have brought along traditional gouache, as it’s always a bummer to want to do color, and you’ve only got ink, but thus far, I’m wholly satisfied without color.
I am making outlines for projects that I am following and compiling; that’s my goal while here- to design projects, compile the drawings for them, draw for them, ink, and that’s it I guess. Then, I’ll assemble them into books at PAFA when I get back- that’s the plan.
Alas, I had a great few ideas while in the car driving to the beach, (my journey to get here was 6amPHL>ORL flight, 12pm rental car>3pm Vero Beach to visit a grandma, 5:30pm Titusville to pick up another grandma, Nighttime Crystal River to be with parents and return the rental car, then next day driving to the beach with dad in his truck), among them to make cast sculpture directly from negative molds made into the beach sand. Yesterday, I procured some quick-set cement and gave it a try. Pushing sculptural shapes down into the semi-wet sand then pouring the mixed cement, I got a few keeper sculptures and a few junkers. It was a successful experiment. I also brought along an underwater camera, and thought the natural next phase of this would be to film these sculptures in an interesting environment, namely the rocky crop of a nearby jetty.
I won’t have time for it all. I will have to choose.
