New Blog, New Home

My dreams have been really vivid recently. I have been sleeping long hours. My diet is not great, but okay.

In one dream a puddle in a parking lot with the aesthetic of a universal movie yielded a green lake hundreds of feet down.  I had telephoto attention and saw a flooded savannah of rehab animals, and a animal savior down there. He was the gatekeeper philosopher and he knew my trespasses, and I postulated that I was a witness to my worse self, as we all can be. And it was moot and a stairway and a gym came like my old gymnastics gym, but this was new and I was going back somehow. I was going to pick up gymnastics again and not in a clumsy way; I was going to dedicate myself to gymnastics, so I was checking the gym out. My old coach was around a hallway into the main gym, in the foam pit kanoodling with his girlfriend. I wanted to linger, but left them; went into another room, like the trash compactor from star wars, or the inside of a walk-in refrigerator, saw promo videos of different gymnastic techniques.

In another dream, I remember a kind of still life scene. It was one of those dreams where you want to take it with you. The painting answers seemed to be there. It was like a Fellini composition, and like some of the work I had done last year, but now I’m better.

Last night. Geez, I already am hazy. Probably something with a 90’s aesthetic. I’m really hanging out in my youth in my mind. Oh! I know! I was wanting to do a portrait of Liam, a classmate, but he was unavailable (probably because he works so hard always doing his own thing) and I just wanted a portrait. Eva volunteers, and the arrangement changes to reclining nude in the park somewhere deepish on the trailside. It feels a lot like an idea that could go bad, but I try to go with it, in part as Rachel is now the creative director. Rachel is scheduled to leave and soon it will be a strange arrangement indeed.

I dreamt my brother in law brought me a little frog from Costa Rica and would follow up the gift with a toad maybe next year, I inferred. Peter, of all people.

I dreamt of a composition that I’d already been doing, but from another angle. The Bell Mare, but from the back, so the horse is trotting away. I want to do that and the portrait.

I want to do some painting from life, as it yields discernable answers more readily than the imaginative ones. A friend says, ‘it shows you what you know’, of painting from imagination. I guess that’s true- it’s like an exam.

Annual Student Exhibition is fast approaching. I have a lot of work done, but what cahrachterizes my work is that I get yiled from the bycatch of grander ideas. Periodically I attain grand ideas in totality. Will the ASE be one of these grand ideas attained? Or will it be a cummulation of bycatches?

To make it its own thing I think I should measure the wall, and all of my paintings, and jam pack it. I should make a book, or a few with all of my paintings that I’ve done at PAFA, compiled into a PDF and printed in a booklet format. So I can have a little shelf with zones so we can see how prolific I am. In addition to that, the wall will be covered airtight with paintings, no spaces. I would like also to have a few shelves with sculptures, in the spirit of maximalism. The sculptures are done, just a matter of taking a good look at everything, then making the moves- these are do-dads.

I would like to show my video works, too. Maybe I can put qr codes into the zines, with the URLs too. I guess the idea is to give the judges of the walls, more information than they can take in within the judging window, and yet deliver the big punches too – basically insure myself all over, so that if I win I know why and if I lose, I know I wasn’t ever going to win.

I have to focus on the big cartoon canvas and most of all the snake, though I hesitate to say the snake is shaping up and could get finished this week. This week will have to be a heck of one.

I’ll have to put this entry on this blog, rather than my new blog (called Kemeys Goethe Tries Reform), because I mentioned some classmates by name.

Katrina, a student, without talking to me went to the dean of students and ratted me out for misogyny. I was called into the dean’s office and I guess just notified that Katrina thought I was being misogynistic, and didn’t feel comfortable around me. I told the dean I was drawing a blank, and that the claims should be substantiated, or it’s just a smear. I was a little more tactful than that, but that’s the gist.

My housemates kicked me out of my room and I had to find a new place to live. I live near Chinatown now, which has been my dream for a long time. My roommates held a mock-trial where Caitlin worked herself up into yelling at me “You’re the fucking phoney” over and over. I didn’t say anything during this mock trial. I knew what I was going there for, to be a punching bag for their anxieties. In all fairness it’s shameful to shit talk them on a public (kinda) forum such as my blog, but the other side to that is the golden rule, to which I think, yeah, I would like to read this about myself, to be privileged with the knowing. My favorite part of the mock trial was when Caitlin said, ‘we’re not going to make you move out before the ASE; we’re not total cunts.”, and then the next day they made it clear that I needed to move out within the week, (but they didn’t say that- it was more like a ‘we will ruin your life if you don’t leave asap kind of thing’, with backup firepower of mentioning that they had someone ready to talk with the dean of the school about my misogyny.) I asked Catlin what I’d said that was misogynistic on the blog, and she said, I’ll take some screen shots. Yoik! I took the blog down. Changed it from public to private, where only I can see it. And I’ll probably change it back after school gets out. I bet this has fucked up my chances at scholarship a little. I think that’s what this is about. I think it’s about jealousy. I guess all the possible cards were played. I still get to take the high road, and rest knowing that by their very own logic, they are total cunts, and that’s my favorite part of this.

Blah blah. I’m doing well.

I’m looking for jobs a little too. Looking on craigslist.

Remember that blog post called ‘After School’? I took that to our guidance counselor and he asked me to take a Meyers Briggs, but also said that my first steps should be to contact the people I mentioned in my After School writing. I think that’s good advice that I’ll take up. My upstairs neighbor let’s me use his Internet for $10 cash a month. My new neighborhood is an actual neighborhood, where families with kids live. The kids are often running in the street and the parents are on the stoops and moms shout out windows from three flights up to their kids.

I’ve been playing drums in there, and practicing, and practicing the steel tongue drum that my mom gave me for Christmas. Like all good gifts, I didn’t want it at first- just another thing, and not a real instrument in my opinion, but alas, through some practice, it’s shaped my thinking, and I think in those seven or nine tones that the drum makes, and I’ve been singing to myself, and making up songs. I play it with a little kick drum on my right foot and a tambourine on my left foot. I’ve played it at the corner of Broad and Race, my little dream spot, which smells like piss, and I’ve played it at City Hall. I made a dollar and a donut and a bottled water. I think I was at city hall for two hours. I sucked, but I know what the instrument can sound like there. I’m practicing so I can go back and hope to make something beautiful. I’m recording and writing songs.

Just a thought while in studio

More than anything else, surviving as an artist has to do with learning to deal with rejection.

Spring Break

A little tiny post; to find myself before I begin working. 

I said ‘I’m Back’ then didn’t post for a little while. Well. . 

I got back with my girlfriend. 

Spring break has been lots of fun. I’ve pulled four all nighters. Periodically I’ll sleep for twelve hours, then do it again. It works! Wild. 

I’ve got to paint over some stuff. Patching over areas of the painting to reorganize the value schemes has been important. In exchange for a little bit of freshness, you get a successful painting; often worth it, but very hard. Painting is a touch of inspiration and a ton of perspiration, so the adage goes. 

On my list of things to do are sculpt machetes for a few composition ideas. I think I’m getting closer to working from machetes, ever closer. Next weekend I’ll do a workshop with Kyle Staver, a brilliant painter, to sculpt machetes for painting. I hope to do a few trial runs on my own before the workshop, so I can come with practical questions. 

I wanna do paintings of falling dogs, from painters such as Abraham Hondius and Paul de Vos. I’m doing a painting of Rockwell’s Freedom of Speech. I want to do it well, then move on to making interpretive versions like how Ron English did Guernica, or Picasso did the absinth drinker; mostly Ron English though. 

Upon graduation, I plan to send photos of my ASE (graduation show) wall to Sean Landers, Jim Shaw, Peter Saul, that ilk. See if I can’t meet up with them. I just messaged Sean Landers showing him a picture of the (kind of direct) bite I’m working on in my studio. He’s yet to reply. I still like him and his work. That should do it. 

Oh yeah, I’m doing an artist talk when I get back to school on Tuesday, so I’m thinking a lot about that. I have a stop motion video due on Monday. I am in a show that opens on the 25th. And I’m trying to do an installation in the ‘Broad Street Studio’ on the 28th. I want to do a still life setup in the 9th floor still life room too. Little gauntlet ahead; and I’m in a tiny pocket called ‘Spring Break’ looking at it. It’s 10pm, and I’m about to get to work. I slept till 2pm today. So, I’m back. I haven’t had this schedule in about 5 years, but it’s a good one for making work. That said, depression is a distinct possibility, and it’s especially good because I know I’ll be back as a day walker soon enough. Truly, Kemeys. 

Self-Agrandisement

Another day another blog post. I feel pretty good. I slept at school last night and got a phone call waking me up at 6am from someone I suspect from the number works at the school; especially the head of security. Well, I’ll say it again here; paranoia will destroy-ya. I called them back and no answer. More important things are at hand. 

I ran my mouth at the draw-a-thon a bit (I was a mess- or was I in a zen ‘being’ state?) and mentioned I’d do a still life setup for the 9th floor advanced still life class. Scott Noel who teaches it was thrilled, and I was thrilled to make him thrilled. Though I’ve distanced myself from his influence, I do want to do well by and for him. Likewise I was spitballing with Doug Martenson and we bond talking over the manipulative games of curators. So we got to a logical platitude that I should do a show in the Fishbowl gallery in the front of the museum; something like my open call still life idea. The fishbowl is the bottom corner of our contemporary museum. It’s got four glass walls and is trapezoidal with an open ceiling. Architecture influences art; this is no place to hang paintings. Those neo-postmodernists who subvert painting (mannerists?) get shows shows shows. They monopolize the show itineraries, and appropriately name their shows things like “Crosscurrents” (rip tide), and “Make Me a Summary of Us” (we’re in charge now). So I might do a show; an open call for the disenfranchised, and cram it into a space designed for something else, designed for architects and financiers that just want to seem hip, let’s be honest. 

I’m still thinking of the scholarship. I had a tiny funk probably from tiny sleeps, where I thought I was ‘losing it’, like my spirit, but it was not so, just a time of subconscious living. Goethe says we spend most of our time in the subconscious. It feels good to hear someone say it; better yet, Johan Wolfgang. 

I compiled documents for a show last night, a hoop to jump through I thought, but in the end I found it helpful to organize my thoughts. 

Speaking of which, I will give a thesis seminar artist talk on Tuesday after spring break. I live for the artist talk, I’m very excited. I have made many notes. Which directions should I take it? I’m weighing out oversharing, fabricating, biography, topic-centric (the devil in the studio), therapeutic, strong man, life advice, failures, theory speculation, jokes, rules and habits, confessions, weak man, and Christ. 

I’m sculpting a little more than I’m painting, but I’m still a painter. 

Back

Seeing that my last post was such a hit (more than a handful of views), and in conjunction o otherwise falling off, I took a little break from writing. Here’s to trying to get back to it, as I believe it is good for my mental health. 

My eye has been twitching for a week now. I began to sleep more and drink water, and eat potassium and not drink coffee, but it’s to no avail, so now I’m back to doing all the bad things, in exchange hopefully for some product. My practice has been product oriented such that I have not carried a sketchbook for a couple of weeks. I am expressing myself solely into studio works, putting things into practice without rehearsal. As a result, my paintings have been much fresher; I mean, the drawings in the paintings have never been so lucid. I did begin that large painting; about eight feet by five, where i load up a blank canvas with cartoons. It’s going pretty well and ‘liberating’ as one of my critics put it today in a crit. 

Yesterday’s crit with Jan Baltzell went alright. She mentioned that some (I think all) of the paintings were bad, and not good. She encouraged me to keep on with the split studio, one third in drawing, and the other thirds split between painting and sculpture. She also encouraged me to use variation in my marks, my stoke language, which I was happy to hear, as I am reading a little about the brushstrokes of the Japanese ink painters. Not just marks, but overall how the paint is put on. 

Today’s crit with Clint Jukkala also went well. (God, I’m tired). Jukkala asked if maybe I could be applying some things differently. How application becomes symbiotic with the communicative. He mentioned I might be being held back in my painting; and that it’s not uncommon that painters get hung up and slowed to a crawl. For this reason, he speculated maybe sculptors have greater access to good painting, being not mired in its trappings. Clint also gave me a handful of good artists to look at. 

I got into this show, and tonight I have to draw a plan for my installation, and submit the specifics. I’ve also been asked to do a zine for the show. I like both of these propositions, and with my crits under my belt let’s see if I can’t work smarter in order to wrench this thing into shape. Oh god. 

I’ve been a prolific little sculptor. Lots of little sculptures.  

My paintings are not good. They’re not special. I think on one hand my ideas that ‘I’ve put in the work’ have everything to do with the trappings. The idea that my work has ‘become’ good is a mistaken one. Obviously I must pay attention to my inventions, to hear them, and to see them through to what they want to be, on their terms. My paintings are weak I think because I assume they will do the trick, but they need much more attention than that. 

Sleeping in my studio

Things have gone pretty well today. I just have to remember to turn my sock inside out tomorrow when I put them on. Nah, fuck it, I’ll do that now. .. done. One less thing. All I want to report today is I has pretty good success in sketchup. 

I’ve got a crit tomorrow so I’m going to annotate some things I’d like to ask Sarah Peters.. 

Here’s how I had it set up for open studio night. Based on what you’ve seen of my work before, what do you think in terms of this showcase? I feel like I might not have captured many facets by curating like this. I’m such a sporadic artist. Rob Roesch notes that he’s surprised that I meditate. He said ‘I thought you were the one to thrive in the chaos’. I guess I am, but I can get angry without the meditation bookending my days. What’s being a sporadic chaotic artist mean for me in terms of shows? Or career or whatever? What’s the prognosis? 

How could I ro-sham-bo this kind of work into a show?

I’m thinking of wrapping up this semester with ‘my style’ in addition to challenging myself and doing well in coursework. Thoughts?

What might be a good model for me in terms of sales in relation to producing a large volume? Should I go cheap, or sit on drawings? What’s your model? What about your taxes? 

Do you teach? Might grad school be a good idea coming up? Would some or all of these things look good with a frame? How should I present some of these sculptures? In the ASE? On one of these bootleg shelves? 

Read my artist statement and bio? How are they? Look at my website? Look at my video works? 3D models? How did you get into the New York scene? How would I? 

These unfinished ‘finished’ looking paintings- what do you think? Unfinished? What about Paul Theck? 

Tomorrow I would like to claim a size wall for the ASE, and declare what size paintings I anticipate showing. I have to mock up the show in a way. I also could use tomorrow to ship some sold work and write an itinerary for a travel scholarship application. I could also read and watch tutorials for a video class. After class, I could screen print my ordered my larger size shirts. My glass sculptures will come out of the kiln tomorrow. I have to email some people. I broke the 3D printer. I have to formulate a plan for a show submission about scale. I could distribute flyers for submissions for the draw-a-thon forthcoming this weekend. I could batch an advertisement for the Kemmy does PAFA shirt. The event could be a perfect corral for selling the shirt- Maybe I should screen print even more, or a new design. ‘PAFA does Kemmy

‘ 

I could sculpt the mockette for the procession piece and mock it up in the evening. Or afternoon. 

I’d like to build the strainer for the nude model piece in the wood shop. And ask Sarah about doing a big nude. painting. 

Open studio night

Open studios night was on Friday night; last night. I cleaned out my studio, then hung what I thought would work well in relation to other student’s studios. I hung a couple ‘hits’, some newly arrived at works, and a couple dozen sketches; mostly recent. I had my screen printed shirts for sale draped over the back of a type of bentwood chair, and I wore a suit that my dad bought me for Christmas. The night went off well. I played defense mostly, and tried foremost to make people who entered my studio feel welcome. Visitors brought energy, and I got a nice high throughout the night. Some good advice was given. I feel like I have a lot of work to do. 

I have been modeling up some stuff fro 3D printing, and printed four of one design of kind of humps on a plinth; something simple. The idea is a procession of rocklike forms, to be used as a mockette. Thing is, once printed, I’m thinking of painting the objects themselves. I would like to design a project and outsource the painting. I’ve long wanted to outsource. It’s clear that many arts are taken for granted (as they are irrelevant craft) and relegated to hobby. I’m thinking of adult coloring books, and warhammer figurine painting mostly, but now I’m thinking of background painting for traditional animation etc. (largely extinct, but I think of the Korean animation houses from time to time). Point being, if I could get an audience; people that buy everything I make, I could have a good foothold on a large an proficient labor pool, and be a good boss. I would like to be a good boss. For the 3D printing stuff. I’m thinking having the printers running all the time, and mixing the colors for a dark-to-light painting scheme, premixed a la old school Disney cel painters, and again, outsourced. That suit must have had an effect on me. 

Something else I’m thinking of a lot now is style. Something that Alex Katz said in one of him interviews is that style is all that matters. It’s true. Also, I need to love myself, because when someone likes my style, I shouldn’t pretend I’m on my way to somewhere else. I am where I am, and it comes with its influences. 

I ought to do some painting, Brave painting; willing to knock some things out entirely. The work is not worth much.