Friday, August 15, 2025

I find myself home alone at lunchtime

 Business is going alright, although I have gotten into the zone where I have pending drawings which are holding things up. I have been offered a mural, but despite drawing for hours to try to solve the problem, my artwork seems to stay in this unformed realm. Perhaps then that is why art schools teach thumbnails and abstraction to head towards something more concrete. I always thought it was cheesy, being a genius young person with lots of brain plasticity, I could readily conjure whole compositions without much planning, but the more I involved myself in art education (all the while I was aging out of ease), the more difficult it became to make compositions. There, among the waning brain elasticity, were many more possibilities to achieve different styles and different ends. There were many more voices in my head. 


Thus a beginner has a sort of shine to them where every direction they go in is positive. I have not broken through all of my training's options and thus I am stifled in my attempts at composition, deft as my hand may be, and trained as my eye may be. This has caused me much stress as the woodworking and carpentry walls are somewhat closing in on me, as soon the same issues emerge, where I have multiple projects open, and much to learn, but in knowing the various ways to do something, and knowing I am lacking in a thorough apprenticeship ( a true death knell in keeping with my theories outlined here ), I become a little fatigued in 'analysis paralysis', or the options greatly outweighing the time to design. 


I need to learn to charge for design- or better yet maybe, outsource that to someone who can handle CAD drawing, and dry unremarkable renders. Because with permitting involved, or customer approvals involved, I am finding it hard not to need the drawings to have the special sauce in them; and it is holding up my building process, because I am too precious about it, or too casual, one or the other. I go from gestural sketch, to finish, no in between, and it is stifling. 


That's it for now, gotta get moving. Luckily, my quotes seem to go through.  So I have some cash to collect, and a check to collect and some mulch to spread, and some tools to pick up, and lots of housework to do.